Good Evening Godless Sodomites

Recipe for Disaster:

2007-01-12T11:59:00.000-08:00

1 part past his prime Tight End
1 part small market poorly coached NFL Franchise
5 year contract (monetary figures not yet announced)
mix in a large bowl and wait for fan backlash and salary cap handcuffs to rise to the top

I do not realize why anyone would give a 30 year old football player a five year contract. Especially with the explosion of young, athletic tight ends infiltrating the NFL. Now if this contract turns out to be for a reasonable amount, say a cap value around $2 million per year, then I retain the right to delete this post from existence. However, I have a feeling it will be in the $4-6 million range, making it all the more absurd.

Paula Abdul video

2007-01-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

You will click this link to watch Paula Abdul give an interview while obviously under the influence of something. Of course, she will probably release a press statement declaring the incident to be a result of a bad pill combination, but noone will believe it. My favorite part: before we even realize how ricockulously drunk Paula is, the shows' host says "Good Morning Paula Abdul". Shouldn't that mean it's a little to early to be tipping the bottle? (kudos to Raymi for the video) And just to get a little sports flavor in there, here is Paula as a Laker Girl:

J.J. Redick - Magic Minute

2007-01-12T11:15:00.000-08:00

The post title is not a joke on his playing time in the NBA nor his sexual prowess. Though it could be both. It is just the title of the video I have decided to share with you to honor the announcement that Duke will retire his jersey on February 4, 2007. Retiring Redick's jersey is a no-brainer and probably a year later than it deserved. But Shelden Williams? I loved him as a player but don't think his jersey belongs up there with Laettner, Hurley and Hill.

YouTube Video of the Day

2007-01-12T10:43:00.000-08:00

A.M. Jump Review

2007-01-12T10:09:00.000-08:00

Allow me to preface this review with the following information: DJ Gallo is extremely funny. SportsPickle.com is absolutely hilarious, every week. However, ESPN Page2's newest feature: A.M. Jump is not funny. In a poor attempt to replace Dan Shanoff's Daily Quickie, Page2 has managed to put Gallo in a lose-lose-lose situation. First, Dan's Quickie was never about being funny. Shanoff had his moments, but even he would admit that he is not a humor columnist. Secondly, Dan never stopped writing the Daily Quickie, he just moved to a different host: danshanoff.blogspot.com. Finally, A.M. Jump has essentially become a review of the previous day's Deadspin articles, or perhaps from one of the similar sites I read everyday. Why would I want to go over to A.M. Jump every morning so I could read the same jokes and same news I found during the workday the day before. Let's look at today's Jump:

1) Barry Bonds: covered the day before by Shanoff, WithLeather, and of course me.
2) David Beckham: covered the day before by Deadspin and WithLeather.
3) Michele Wie: unless he is offering racy pics: who cares about Wie golfing?
4) Earl Boykins: seriously, even I can't find anything positive to say about the Eastern Conference, why bother?
5) Barbaro: covered the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that... by Deadspin
6) Joe Cullen: a three month old story about a former U of Illinois football assistant. I-L-L...
7) Teemu Selanne: uh, who? what is hockey?

DJ, you are a funny funny man, and I do not fault you for doing whatever they ask to cash that WWL paycheck every week, but please brother, do NOT stop writing the SportsPickle. Stick with what got you there.

(Ed. note: I have no proof that the man pictured is DJ Gallo, but if you do a Google Image search for DJ Gallo, that is the number one result, so, I'd like to think it is.)

Barry Bonds uses banned substances????

2007-01-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

Please, say it ain't so Barry!!! I do not want to believe this article from ESPN.com. I mean, if the best player in my generation (not named Mark Grace, of course) is breaking the rules in baseball, how am I supposed to believe in the integrity of the game. Oh, the horror. I'm not even sure I can watch baseball anymore. I will now cry myself to sleep so I can dream of the better days, when heroes like Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Ken Caminiti, and Jose Canseco were the face of our national pasttime.

Touche

2007-01-10T13:27:00.000-08:00

24!!!!

2007-01-10T13:21:00.000-08:00

I do not hide my love for 24. The long hiatus is over as we are treated to a two-night 4 hour preimere Sunday and Monday night. I am so fucking excited that I have been devouring any and all new information I can find. I even stayed up last night to check out the cast and crew on Larry King Live. Of course, amongst other things, one of the reasons I love 24 is because the star, Keifer Sutherland, knows how to party like a fucking rockstar. Believe me, if I was a mega-star, I to would drop trou' wherever I felt like it. God Bless You Keifer, and keep up the good work.

Fat Chicks Need Love Too

2007-01-10T12:02:00.000-08:00

They just have to pay for it. I just hope this guy was well compensated. (photo courtesy of WeirdSpot.com)

Fudge Packers find Rexy Sexy too

2007-01-10T11:53:00.000-08:00

I found this picture over at The Big Lead and decided there is now way I cannot post it over here. For your viewing pleasure I have included the best caption I read, offered by Big Lead commenter Jib:

Grossman pulls head out of ass against Packers, but the Packer defense plugs the hole.

If you can come up with something better than that, then you are obviously funnier and more creative than me.

Fucking Florida

2007-01-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

I will admit, that when the BCS Championship Game started I was openly rooting for Florida. I always root for the underdogs in games between teams I otherwise don't care about. However, during halftime I realized that if Florida won, then they would become the first school in NCAA Div. I history to hold both the football and basketball crowns at the same time. Meaning Duke would no longer have a chance to obtain such a feat. Damn those Gators. Damn them all.

An Ode To Cheerleaders Around the World

2007-01-07T23:14:00.000-08:00

Readers of Deadspin and With Leather will appreciate the following links, which are probably not safe for work. But it has been a good week for cheerleaders. First: bitchy, stuck-up, nobody really likes me they just pretend to cheerleaders (and pics). Then sexually expressive but no longer on the team cheerleaders (and pics). I cannot wait for the day one of my beloved Dukie cheergals does something newsworthy. Other than being insulted by Matt Doherty or actually graduating college and contributing to society through means other than NFL cheerleading of course.

They Hugged!!!

2007-01-07T22:53:00.000-08:00

So fucking what? These are two grown men who have been friends for years. Of course, eventually, they would get over whatever beef they may or may not had. What I am fucking impressed by is the ass-whuppin' Bill Belichick put on the reporters and/or cameramen who got in his path on his way to his post-game man-hug. Unfortunately I do not have any photos yet, but I will say this: if it was an athlete, or dare I say a black athlete who acted like this, however warranted it may have been, that would have been the only news story on ESPN. (photo courtesy of ESPN.com)

It's my blog and I'll post when I want to

2007-01-07T22:49:00.001-08:00

Just to get that clear!

Windows Vista RC1

2006-09-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

PC Magazine recently showcased 100 screenshots of the most recent Vista release. Why is it that everytime Microsoft releases a new OS it looks more and more like linux? Are they admitting something? I think rather they are realizing something. Linux is cool, but useless nonetheless for the average PC user.

Something to follow

2006-08-31T11:00:00.000-07:00

I doubt this man gets charged with murder. Even if it is found that his child was not molested, just the thought of it happening is enough to drive any father to insanity. I don't blame his for his reaction. Of course my theory is this: Edington's wife was cheating on him and didn't know how to ask for a divorce. So she made up a story about their neighbor molesting their child knowing that her husband would react with vengeance and end up in jail, leaving her with her new lover. Sounds like a lifetime movie.

Duke Lacrosse again

2006-08-31T10:43:00.000-07:00

KC Johnson is a voice of justice in the unjust cloud that surrounds this case. As he will point out, his is not the only voice leading the charge against DA Nifong and his group of thugs. Please take the time to read his blog. Then perhaps you too will wonder how this man has managed to keep his job, and why these young men have had to go through this shitstorm of lies.

What took you so long?

2006-08-31T09:30:00.000-07:00

I expected a quicker response from Jason Whitlock. In fact, I assumed that Whitlock had already written his annual 'Jeff George is the most talented QB on the planet' article and was just waiting for the right moment to release it. Now that George has signed with the Raiders, Whitlock has this to offer:

Re-signing Jeff George might be the sanest thing Al Davis has done in the last decade.

Now I'm not disagreeing with Jason, I'm just amazed he didn't host a press conference to announce his opinions.

Jason does at least offer his most accurate analysis to date of George:

Jeff is like the hottest girlfriend you ever had.
Oh, she might've been bat-spit crazy, slept with all of your boyz and is in need of medication, but two or three months after the breakup all you really remember is the great sex, the weekends in Vegas and the two-month, drama-free period when you thought you'd found your very own Halle Berry.

Of course I'm jealous

2006-08-30T21:35:00.000-07:00

I wish I had the opportunity to piss on President bush on cable television.

The Black Dahlia

2006-08-30T21:23:00.000-07:00

I honestly don't need any more reasons to see anything containing Scarlett Johansson. But in case you do, here it is:

I'll believe it when I see it

2006-08-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

According to a website across the pond, an American general predicts US troops could leave Iraq within 18 months:

I don't have a date, but I can see over the next 12 to 18 months, the Iraqi security forces progressing to a point where they can take on the security responsibilities for the country, with very little coalition support.

I pray that this is true, but am probably not alone in my skepticism. I also think this is the only way the republicans could hold on to the White House.

Slate.com nails it on the head

2006-08-30T21:03:00.000-07:00

I wish I had written this article. Unfortunately, I have neither the skills nor the tools to do that kind of work. I would like to say however: If these young men are proven guilty, they should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. WHEN they are proven innocent, they should be rewarded millions of dollars from the district attorney's office, various media outlets, and perhaps even Duke University itself for the damage this incident has done to them and their future.

California leads the way again

2006-08-30T20:55:00.000-07:00

Today, the Govenator annouced new legislation that would place California at the forefront of the fight against global warming. Rather than laud the efforts of the California State Legislature, I would prefer to focus on the comments from our President, george w. bush:

I have said consistently that global warming is a serious problem. There's debate over whether it's man-made or naturally caused…...

Of course this quote is not a reponse to today's news. However, if there is anyone out there that can find information on this 'debate', please let me know.

Why I Now Embrace Soccer

2006-08-30T14:18:00.000-07:00

After thoroughly enjoying this years World Cup I have decided to try following soccer more intensely. I know I am not the only American to take this path however, I have chosen to follow Everton of the Premier League. Results so far are good. And believe me, I can't wait for this year's Merseyside Derby. It should be noted though that football across the pond is it's own special beast unlike anything we currently experience over here. I had no choice but to chuckle and wonder if we would ever here this from a coach of an American sports team:

Okay, I can't find the link anymore but that's okay. The story was about an Everton player getting munted two days before the game, then blaming 'spiked drinks' for his illness. The coach then said he goes out of his way to make sure his players enjoy themselves off the pitch but that drinking two days before a match is a clear violation of team rules that will not be tolerated. I doubt Bill Belichek would have a similar response if Willie McGinnest missed a game due to a hangover.

Bill Simmons has jumped the shark

2006-08-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

It's official. He only writes two columns a month and he hasn't evolved like I hoped he would as a writer. I just feel like I'm reading the same jokes over and over again. The new sports guy can be found at FoxSports.com: Peter Schrager. Read him and enjoy the laughs. and let's hope someone else takes this mantle in three years when Peter jumps the shark.

I am not sorry if you are offended

2006-08-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

But just in case you were curious why I named my site "Good Evening Godless Sodomites", please watch the video below. If you do not laugh, please don't read my blog ever again.